She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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