If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
