I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Panties = found
Randomize