a queef is a wish your heart makes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
