I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
