you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
