On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
