You can't motorboat a personality
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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