just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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