i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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