I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
