guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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