the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize