yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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