Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
