Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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