Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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