I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
