I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Come on in and take your pants off
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