You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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