Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
