now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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