your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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