He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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