how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
