I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize