I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
