you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
