sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
