i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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