based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
