I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
