Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
