White coat. Heels.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
