FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
