Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
