He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
