everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
