Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
