ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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