He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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