Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
