This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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