Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
