she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
