first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
