NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize