Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i barfeds in our rink
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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