mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
