What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
