so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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