I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
