I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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