you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
