My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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