she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
