What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize