We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
