I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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