The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
