I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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