At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
