Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
