am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
