if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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