I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
