i was born a porn star she said
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
