he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
