he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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