8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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