Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
