I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
