I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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