Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize