Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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