My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
