I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
