i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
