it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
