I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize