if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
