Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
