Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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