i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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