john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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