If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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