I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
