Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
