Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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