I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
