Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
