Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
