i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm really into asian looking animals
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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