if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
